Thoughts While Not Shaving

Cleaning out my work emails recently, I came across one I'd been saving for years. It was a mass email from some guy off in middle-management somewhere who was a big fan of a weekly email quasi-blog called "Thoughts While Shaving." 

 The author, Len Fuchs, compiled his emails into a book called "Thoughts While Shaving: Common Sense Leadership Principles." The concept is pretty clever - you picture the guy standing in front of the bathroom mirror, raking the stubble off his chin and experiencing daily epiphanies about leadership and management ("Leaders are influential, even when they are not the number one person in the organization"), and even about thought itself ("Ideas that initially appear to get in the way often lead you to someplace new and better"). Then he jots down these epiphanies in the form of a quasi-random list of principles (#170 - "Leaders know that success is not random"), and starts cashing the royalty checks. 

So anyway, the guy where I worked would get Fuchs' emails every Sunday night, then forward them on Monday to every one of the several hundred email addresses in his general domain. 

 This inspired me to ponder my corner of the universe and jot down my own ... 

Thoughts While Not Shaving
1. I finally installed my card reader so I can check my work email from home. Cool ... traffic and weather advisories telling me to go home early, plus some bathroom philosopher's daily stream of consciousness.
2. Me, I shave in the shower, and my main thought is usually, did I already wash my hair, or do I still need to? 
3. When I'm standing in front of the mirror, it's more like ... wow, I never noticed that mole before. 
4. Nothing says "I'm middle-aged" like, "Gee, I really oughta tweeze those ear hairs." 
5. I wonder what women think about while shaving. 
6. Like, say, Charlize Theron. 
7. Ow! I just nicked my Adam's apple. 
8. I wonder if the guy who writes "Thoughts While Shaving" occasionally forgets to change his razor blade too. DAMMIT!!! 
9. Eh. He probably uses an electric.
10. In which case, what if his wife is heating up something in the microwave while he's shaving, and suddenly, poof! The circuit blows. So much for that epiphany. 
11. Not that I use an electric shaver—I'm a blade man myself. I'm just sayin', is all.
12. Gillette ultra something-or-other. I keep a label in my medicine cabinet near the blades; otherwise I'm always getting the wrong kind.
13. How about you?
14. Leadership is the ability to ... y'know, like, lead and stuff. (Just thought I'd throw that out there. Discuss.) 
15. Then again, maybe he's a razor man after all—how ya gonna think up thoughts with a freakin' lawnmower in your ear? 
16. Now and then, I'll run the microwave while my wife is using the hair dryer. Uh oh!
17. Fine, I'll go downstairs and flip the circuit thingy back on. Sor-REE!!!
18. You'd think they'd find an easier way to reset digital alarm clocks after a blackout.
19. I'd better get that mole checked out.
20. Ear hair. Christ. Can nose hair be far behind? 
21. True excellence is, like, truly excellent.  
22. And stuff.  
23. (Discuss.)
24. There's something about turning your daily toiletry habits into a philosophical ramble on leadership and excellence (and stuff) that's just ... I dunno, weird.
25. Not to say I wouldn't cash the royalty checks.
26. But really. I mean, what's the sequel—Thoughts While Taking My Morning Dump?
27. Because then we're like, "Hoo-WEE! Better not eat that again!" Plus old bathroom jokes and disgusting tangents on girth and consistency, that kind of thing. 
28. And let's not even mention bloody stool. 
29. Gosh, razor blades sure are expensive, aren't they? 
30. When did that mole show up, anyway? 
31. I guess I need to trim my hair. 
32. I sure could use a new morning routine. 

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