Thoughts While Spending 90 Minutes with the Dentist, Having a Tooth Repaired
1. Must they leave the damn door open? I'm sure people stop in the hallway to gawk at the dork sprawled in the chair, wearing shades and a bib. 2. At least the shades are wraparounds, so I look cool. Don't I? 3. I don't care how cool her European accent is: If the dentist asks me, "Is it safe?" I'm hauling ass. 4. (Note to younger readers: "Marathon Man." Dustin Hoffman, Laurence Olivier. You'll never look at your dentist the same way again.) 5. There's nothing quite like the hungry squeal of tungsten carbide bearing down on the pulpy innards of a hollowed-out molar at 400,000 rpm. The bit looks like a medieval toothpick, modified for lethality. As it grinds out the remains of the old filling, the bur feels like something the size of a baseball, or possibly a cantaloupe. 6. Obviously foreign objects feel bigger when they're inside your mouth. 7. (That's what she said.) 8. (Not really.) 9. Are we there yet? 10. Appar...