Not Tonight (I'm In Parentheses)

Today's Unsolicited, Nonjudgmental, No-Nerd-Speak Grammar Lesson: Punctuation and Parentheses

It's simple: Whatever you put between parentheses, you should be able to remove and still have a complete sentence. That includes punctuation.

The parenthetical matter itself need not be (although it can be) a complete sentence, if it is simply inserted into a sentence. (Standalone parenthetical matter, on the other hand, should be a complete sentence, with all appropriate punctuation contained within the parentheses.) So:

* This is a sentence (including parenthetical matter), properly punctuated.

* This is a sentence, properly punctuated. (And this is a standalone parenthetical sentence, also properly punctuated.)

* This is a sentence with parenthetical matter at the end (also properly punctuated).

It's often when we put parenthetical material at the end of a sentence that we grow uncertain: Um ... the ending punctuation belongs ... um ... inside the parentheses? Outside? On the next page? No, wait, the close parenthesis is the same as a period, so no period is needed. Right?

And so you'll see things like:
This is a boring post (no offense.)

Or:
I know you are, but what am I? (no offense)

Instead of the correct:
You didn't even punctuate that correctly (no offense).

Or:
I punctuated yer mom. (No offense.) 

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