The Worst Part of Waking Up

I took the last sip of my first cup of coffee yesterday morning and realized I'd had some company: a deer tick. Near it was another, smaller particle I can only hope was a coffee ground, but for all I know my little arachnid friend was so cranked he shat himself. Such is your thinking when you're freshly caffeinated and you realize Ixodes scapularis has been doing the backstroke in your dark roast.

It reminded me of another coffee tale from several years ago.

I was in the kitchen one morning, 6-ish, doing my usual routine: feeding our critters while waiting for the coffee to brew. After I'd start the coffee, I'd get some fish food out of the freezer—a small cube of brine shrimp from a plastic-and-foil package—and I would scoop out some aquarium water to thaw it in before dumping it in the fish tank. (I've long since decided it's easier and more fun just to let the fish attack the frozen cube.)

In the meantime I'd feed the rest of our menagerie and wait for the coffee.

So that morning, after pouring the coffee, I went to dump the fish food into the tank and noticed I hadn't put any in the little Pyrex bowl to thaw yet. Hmmm ... still not awake, I guess. So I got the brine shrimp out of the freezer and pushed a cube through the foil backing into the bowl.

But rather than the plop of the cube hitting water, I heard a soft clink as it hit the dry bowl. Geez, I hadn't even scooped out any aquarium water yet. Really not awake.

Screw it, I thought. I plopped the chilled Artemia into the fish tank and headed downstairs with my coffee.

Twenty minutes later, ready for a refill, I took the last sip ... and that's when I discovered the original batch of brine shrimp.

So what's worse: that I absentmindedly dumped a bunch of frozen crustaceans in my coffee? Or that I drank that whole cup of Folger's seafood-flavored Colombian without even noticing?

Copyright 2010

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