ItsOnlyBob

1. If 30 miles is how much I hate this commute, then 150 minutes is how glad I am that I don't do this commute regularly anymore. 2. If 30 miles is how glad I am that I don't do this commute regularly anymore, then 150 minutes is how much I love visiting Bolling Air Force Base and hearing the Air Force Band play stuff I wrote for them. 3. None of which alters the fact that I gotta pee. 4. Like, bad. 5. But yes, I really DO love hearing the Air Force Band play stuff I wrote for them. 6. By the way, you should plan to visit the Udvar-Hazy Center in Chantilly VA (the "companion facility" of the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum in Washington DC) this coming Tuesday at noon. 7. No, really, you should! Just sayin'. 8. Sequels might be like, y'know, "Jaws II" - but then again, they might be like "The Godfather II," in which Al Pacino plays a killer English horn and Robert DeNiro beats the holy snot out of a bass drum. 9. We, as a s...

As of today, I've been putting off my next cigarette for 19 years. I don't intend for there to be a next one, but I've torched that intention three times before, so I distrust the word "quit." I was a pack-a-day smoker by the time I was in high school, having started when I was 9. (Yes, you read that right.) There were those three smoke-free periods — a year when I was 20, three years starting at age 26, seven weeks at age 34. Each time I stopped — including the current 19-year-stretch — it was cold turkey. I know others who have done it with gum, or a patch, or e-cigs, or whatever. The method is less important than the simple determination to stop. At any rate, I had smoked for more than 20 years out of 25. Several times in the six years I've been on Facebook, I've commemorated this day publicly with a "yay me" post. This time, instead, I'm thinking about my mom, who stopped smoking around the same time I did. My siblings and I — for...

Today's Unsolicited, Nonjudgmental, No-Nerd-Speak Grammar Lesson:  Punctuation and Parentheses It's simple: Whatever you put between parentheses, you should be able to remove and still have a complete sentence. That includes punctuation. The parenthetical matter itself need not be (although it can be) a complete sentence, if it is simply inserted into a sentence. (Standalone parenthetical matter, on the other hand, should be a complete sentence, with all appropriate punctuation contained within the parentheses.)  So: * This is a sentence (including parenthetical matter), properly punctuated. * This is a sentence, properly punctuated. (And this is a standalone parenthetical sentence, also properly punctuated.) * This is a sentence with parenthetical matter at the end (also properly punctuated). It's often when we put parenthetical material at the end of a sentence that we grow uncertain: Um ... the ending punctuation belongs ... um ... inside the par...

I’m thinking of petitioning the Steinbeck estate for permission to write a series of sequels to The Grapes of Wrath. Possible titles: Figs of Crankiness Kumquats of Snark Prunes of Condescending Disapproval Raspberries of Righteous Indignation Blueberries of Spittly Fury Kiwis of False Bravado   Coconuts of Compensation Trilogy Conclusions: Butter Peas of Vaguely Unsettling Malaise Kidney Beans of Disturbance in the Force Creamed Corn of Feelings of Inadequacy Stewed Cabbage of   Projected Shame Chipped Beef of   Disgruntlement Sauerkraut of Acute Despair Escargot of Existential Dread Fried Liver of Misdirected Anger Spotted Dick  of  Sad Old-Age Epiphany Head Cheese  of Unprovoked Aggression Groaty Pudding of  Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Doom Gratuitous Continuations Just for Money:   Pork Rinds of Chronic Flatulence Cheap Beer of Spastic Colitis Kimchee of Explosive Diarrhea Junior Mints o...

Today I had my semi-annual phone chat with my cousin Lin. He is 83 years old and lives in Newberry, South Carolina. To be precise, he's my first-cousin-once-removed, the adopted son of my dad's Aunt Hazel (my grandmother's sister). His own dad, who died when Lin was a boy, was actually the brother of his adoptive father—so the person Lin called "Dad" was really his uncle. (Yeah, I have to sort that out anew every single time, too.) I have met Lin in person only once, on a family vacation that swerved through Newberry so my dad could visit with his Aunt Hazel —the mother of Lin's wife, Mabel. I was 11 or 12 at the time. This was in the early '70s, and it is the only memory I have of Aunt Hazel (who died in 2001 at age 102), or of Lin and  Mable , or of their son, Ross (who died in 2010 at age 45).  My three siblings and I remember Ross for a single conversation during that visit. He was maybe 7 then (he was three days older than my sister Karen) . ...

Cleaning out my work emails recently, I came across one I'd been saving for years. It was a mass email from some guy off in middle-management somewhere who was a big fan of a weekly email quasi-blog called "Thoughts While Shaving."  The author, Len Fuchs, compiled his emails into a book called " Thoughts While Shaving: Common Sense Leadership Principles ." The concept is pretty clever - you picture the guy standing in front of the bathroom mirror, raking the stubble off his chin and experiencing daily epiphanies about leadership and management ("Leaders are influential, even when they are not the number one person in the organization"), and even about thought itself ("Ideas that initially appear to get in the way often lead you to someplace new and better"). Then he jots down these epiphanies in the form of a quasi-random list of principles (#170 - "Leaders know that success is not random"), and starts cashing the royalty checks....

Remember 2009, Florida State fans? The college football world debated: Should Bobby Bowden  stay for one more year, as his contract promised? Or should he  get the hook after 32 consecutive winning seasons, two national championships and a grinding 10-year slide into the competitive netherworld?  By Week 6,  the Noles were 2-3 following a hard-fought loss to Miami, a humiliating upset at the hands of South Florida, and a road loss to Boston College. Georgia Tech, ranked #23, waited in the wings. Seminole Nation was surly. I tried to imagine what might happen should FSU President T.K. Wetherell decide to yank Bobby then and there in favor of the Heir Apparent....  Jimbo Fisher Fired at Halftime in FSU Head Coaching Debut By Bob Thurston Easily Amused TALLAHASSEE, Oct. 10, 2009—The Jimbo Fisher era of Florida State University football was brief. Fisher—FSU's "head coach in waiting" for three seasons, who finally replaced Bobby Bowden this week ...